Hearken, friends, and I shall tell you a horrible tale.
This, is the tale of a story... a story... and the evil MARY-SUE that invaded it.
Middle Earth had always been a quiet place, if you discount the Dark Lord and the wars and all the general mucking about with usurpations and questionable practices of breeding Orcs and whatnot. Still, all those problems were well taken care of by Middle Earth's good inhabitants of Men and Elves and Dwarves. Darkness? Nah, we got that covered with the return of a great and mighty king. Ring? What ring? I didn't see a ring falling into a great fiery chasm of lava. Did you, Gollum? No, precious we didn't. /Gollum/
This story became well-loved by a great many people who heard of it. These listeners so loved the tale that they took up pen and paper and computer keyboards and embellished it with their own stories, thus growing the world. And for a time, it was good. Ever and anon the listeners of this tale grew and spread and proliferated. So, I suppose it was only the natural course of things that it would soon spread to those who should NOT have heard of it.
Along with those who wrote their own tales of this beautiful world and its inhabitants, there came those who did not fully listen to the story as it was told. Instead, they heard of the tale of Arwen Undomiel and Aragorn Elessar and contrived to live out their fantasies in much the same way.
Thus, a new darkness covered the lands of Middle Earth. It was known by many names. In the tongues of the men of Numenor, this Enemy was known as Self-Insertion. In Quenya, the name of the Enemy was not spoken, only referred to as “She who brings badfic.” But to the Elves of Middle Earth and the mortal men faithful to them, the Enemy was known as Mary-Sue. And she had a consort, less often observed, but just as deadly, known as Harry-Stu.
Mary-Sue was a terrible and evil dark lady. Her first act was to establish herself in the world. However, where those who had before written their good tales, Mary-Sue chose to ignore the reality of the world to which she came. Seeing the Half-Elven descent of Elrond Peredhil, and hearing the tale of Luthien Tinuviel and her love Beren the one-handed, she clothed herself in the form of a half-elven maiden, giving no reference to her bloodline and how such a thing had come about. Golden was her hair and a dazzling purple were her eyes; so dazzling that any mortal who dared to look into them quickly became lost and fell under her evil power.
And many fell under this terrible spell. The Elves of Middle Earth were especially prone to this weakness. One by one, Legolas of Mirkwood, Haldir of Lothlorien, even the twin sons of Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir, fell under this terrible power. All too often these brave heroes would tragically sacrifice themselves for Mary-Sue, unable to stop themselves from protecting her at her slightest whim.
So too fell many mortal men; Aragorn Elessar forsook his love Arwen, Eomer Eadig doted upon Mary-Sue as would a schoolboy, Boromir the Bold lived for her sake rather than dying to save his two Hobbit friends, and Faramir the faithful Ranger of Ithilien did go against his father's word for naught but her sake, even claiming the Ring of Power as his own to save her.
Strangely enough, there was one race who seemed to be immune from her power; that of the Dwarves. However, she would send them from her sight as quickly as possible, whether by death or a pointless quest.
This dark lady, this terrible Enemy also took other forms not altogether found in Middle Earth. Many sightings of fairies, unicorns, and nymphs soon came to light. But most often, she was seen as her half-elven form.
Thus, the Enemy became a nexus of warping force. Great plot holes gathered around her. The very shape of space and time was altered wherever she went. She cared not. Her purpose in existing was to vicariously live out her creator's fantasy and nothing else. It was when she joined the great Fellowship of the Ring that finally others decided that she had to be fought.
Thus arose a new force. After much research and thought, they came to Middle Earth in guises that would preserve the story. They sought out the Enemy and with great might, smote her upon the foundations of the world to be found in the original story she had forsook. Sometimes, the Enemy was so powerful that other, less subtle, tactics had to be taken. Outside of the circles of the world, these agents of light aimed their Canon Cannon at Mary-Sue's creator, striking her down with fact and research.
Yet still, the Enemy persists. I have come to you all from that great order who fights the Enemy, the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. I am their ninja. Most often, I can be seen in Middle Earth as a masked man of the Haradrim. In the name of my order, I present to you this peep. But it is no ordinary peep. It has been endowed with all the most hated qualities of Mary-Sue. Thus, she shall be struck down once more and burned over the flames of this righteous fire. But I bid you all to remain vigilant. For she defies all who move against her. I am but one agent of the light and our order is yet small in comparison to the Enemy's power. And this is but one effigy in a war that will take millions to win.
Thus, in token of what is to come, I cast this Mary-Sue, hated Enemy of all lovers of the story, into the fire! Go back to the shadows from whence you came!
©2004 Sarah Bloy. All Rights Reserved. Used with Permission.